The Understudy's Night

Two hours before curtain, Greer opened her mouth in the dressing room and nothing came out except a dry whisper.

Dua jam sebelum tirai dibuka, Greer membuka mulutnya di ruang rias dan tidak ada yang keluar kecuali bisikan kering.

Alder was eating a sandwich in the corridor, with a script open on her knee that she hadn't looked at in weeks. Understudies, she had always told herself, were insurance that nobody ever claimed.

Alder sedang makan sandwich di koridor, dengan naskah terbuka di lututnya yang sudah berminggu-minggu tidak ia lihat. Pemeran pengganti, selalu ia katakan pada dirinya sendiri, adalah asuransi yang tidak pernah ada yang klaim.

Then the director came running, and the school nurse peered into Greer's throat and said the word "rest." By the time Alder had finished chewing, the decision had been made.

Lalu sang sutradara berlari datang, dan perawat sekolah mengintip ke tenggorokan Greer lalu mengucapkan kata "istirahat". Pada saat Alder selesai mengunyah, keputusan sudah dibuat.

"You're on tonight," the director said. "You know every line. You have been mouthing them from the back row since September."

"Kamu tampil malam ini," kata sang sutradara. "Kamu hafal semua dialognya. Kamu sudah menggumamkannya dari barisan belakang sejak September."

"That's not the same as saying them out loud," Alder said. Her voice sounded smaller than she wanted it to.

"Itu tidak sama dengan mengucapkannya keras-keras," kata Alder. Suaranya terdengar lebih kecil daripada yang ia inginkan.

Greer found her ten minutes later. She sat on the floor beside her, tore a page from a notebook and began writing in thick black marker. When she had finished, she held up the first card. It read: I'LL BE IN THE WINGS. LOOK AT ME IF YOU GET LOST.

Greer menemukannya sepuluh menit kemudian. Ia duduk di lantai di sampingnya, merobek selembar halaman dari buku catatan dan mulai menulis dengan spidol hitam tebal. Setelah selesai, ia mengangkat kartu pertama. Isinya: AKU ADA DI SAYAP PANGGUNG. LIHAT AKU KALAU KAMU TERSESAT.

She taught Alder a code with her hands. A flat palm lowered slowly meant slow down. A hand cupped behind her ear meant listen to your scene partner, not to your own panic.

Ia mengajari Alder sebuah sandi dengan tangan. Telapak tangan datar yang diturunkan perlahan berarti pelan-pelan. Tangan yang melengkung di belakang telinga berarti dengarkan lawan mainmu, bukan kepanikanmu sendiri.

The curtain went up at seven. In the first scene Alder spoke too fast, and her hands shook so hard that the prop teacup rattled against its saucer. From the wings, a flat palm sank toward the floor.

Tirai terbuka pukul tujuh. Di adegan pertama Alder bicara terlalu cepat, dan tangannya gemetar begitu keras sampai cangkir teh properti berdenting di atas tatakannya. Dari sayap panggung, sebuah telapak tangan datar turun ke arah lantai.

Alder slowed down. The audience laughed at the line that was supposed to be funny. It was the first time all evening that she could hear her own breathing.

Alder memperlambat suaranya. Penonton tertawa pada dialog yang memang seharusnya lucu. Itu pertama kalinya malam itu ia bisa mendengar napasnya sendiri.

In the second act, her mind went completely white. Somewhere in the dark, a card appeared at the edge of the curtain with one word on it: WHENEVER. It was exactly the word she needed, and the rest of the sentence followed it out of her mouth.

Di babak kedua, pikirannya menjadi putih sama sekali. Entah dari mana di kegelapan, sebuah kartu muncul di tepi tirai dengan satu kata di atasnya: KAPAN PUN. Itu persis kata yang ia butuhkan, dan sisa kalimatnya mengalir keluar dari mulutnya mengikuti kata itu.

At the interval, Greer pressed another card into her hand. It said: YOU ARE NOT ME. GOOD.

Pada jeda, Greer menyelipkan kartu lain ke tangannya. Isinya: KAMU BUKAN AKU. BAGUS.

By the final scene, Alder had stopped looking toward the wings at all. She had been so busy living inside the story that she had almost forgotten anyone was watching.

Pada adegan terakhir, Alder sudah tidak lagi menoleh ke arah sayap panggung. Ia begitu sibuk hidup di dalam cerita sampai hampir lupa bahwa ada yang menonton.

When the lights came up for the bows, the audience got to its feet. The rest of the cast pulled Alder into the center of the line. She saw that the hem of her costume was still held together with a safety pin that Greer had fastened in a hurry.

Ketika lampu menyala untuk penghormatan, penonton berdiri. Anggota pemain lainnya menarik Alder ke tengah barisan. Ia melihat bahwa kelim kostumnya masih ditahan dengan peniti yang disematkan Greer dengan terburu-buru.

She glanced toward the wings one last time. Greer was standing there with a card she must have written earlier and not used. It read BOW LOW, and the words had been underlined twice in green.

Ia melirik ke arah sayap panggung untuk terakhir kalinya. Greer berdiri di sana dengan sebuah kartu yang pasti ia tulis lebih awal dan belum dipakai. Isinya MEMBUNGKUKLAH YANG DALAM, dan kata-katanya digarisbawahi dua kali dengan warna hijau.

Alder bowed so low that her hair touched her knees.

Alder membungkuk begitu dalam sampai rambutnya menyentuh lututnya.