The Sister Who Left

Helena arrived on a Thursday, in a taxi, with one suitcase and a bag of gifts that turned out to be mostly chocolate. Petronella watched from the kitchen window while her sister paid the driver. She noticed first that Helena had cut her hair, and then that she was counting her change twice, in the careful way of someone who is not yet sure of the coins. Fifteen years of telephone calls had not prepared her for that small, ordinary detail: her own sister, hesitating on the street where they had both grown up.

Helena tiba pada hari Kamis, naik taksi, dengan satu koper dan sekantong oleh-oleh yang ternyata sebagian besar cokelat. Petronella memperhatikan dari jendela dapur saat kakaknya membayar sopir. Pertama-tama ia melihat bahwa Helena memotong rambutnya, lalu bahwa ia menghitung uang kembaliannya dua kali, dengan cara hati-hati orang yang belum yakin pada koinnya. Lima belas tahun percakapan telepon tak mempersiapkannya untuk hal kecil yang biasa itu: kakaknya sendiri, ragu-ragu di jalan tempat mereka berdua tumbuh.

The calls had been good. Every second Sunday for fifteen years they had gone through the same routine: the weather, the children's marks, the price of things, a joke about their mother's cooking. Both of them had worked hard at keeping the line bright. Neither had ever mentioned that the silences between the jokes were getting longer.

Telepon-telepon itu menyenangkan. Setiap dua minggu sekali pada hari Minggu selama lima belas tahun mereka menjalani rutinitas yang sama: cuaca, nilai anak-anak, harga barang, lelucon tentang masakan ibu mereka. Keduanya berusaha keras menjaga sambungan itu tetap cerah. Tak satu pun pernah menyebut bahwa keheningan di antara lelucon itu semakin panjang.

The frictions came in small pieces, all day. Helena said "back home" and meant the city she lived in now. She asked whether the bathroom tap still stuck, and it did, and she laughed as though this proved something. She let words from her new language slip into her sentences without noticing, and when Petronella raised an eyebrow, she apologised for it, which was worse. At lunch she left a tip so large that the waiter looked startled, and Petronella, who had been counting out her own coins, felt her jaw tighten in a way she did not like.

Gesekan-gesekan datang dalam potongan kecil, sepanjang hari. Helena berkata "di rumah" dan maksudnya kota tempat ia tinggal sekarang. Ia bertanya apakah keran kamar mandi masih macet, dan memang masih, dan ia tertawa seakan itu membuktikan sesuatu. Ia membiarkan kata-kata dari bahasa barunya terselip dalam kalimatnya tanpa sadar, dan ketika Petronella mengangkat alis, ia meminta maaf, yang lebih buruk lagi. Saat makan siang ia meninggalkan tip begitu besar sampai pelayannya tampak terkejut, dan Petronella, yang sedang menghitung koinnya sendiri, merasakan rahangnya mengencang dengan cara yang tak ia sukai.

"It's only money," Helena said.

"Itu cuma uang," kata Helena.

"Yes," said Petronella. "To some of us, it is only money."

"Ya," kata Petronella. "Bagi sebagian dari kita, itu memang cuma uang."

By the afternoon they were walking the old route to the river, saying very little, and it was on the bridge that Helena stopped. She put both hands on the railing and looked down at the water, which looked much smaller than either of them remembered. "On the phone I always said I was fine," she said. "I nearly cancelled this visit three times. I was afraid you would see at once that I had turned into someone else."

Sore harinya mereka berjalan di rute lama menuju sungai, nyaris tak bicara, dan di jembatanlah Helena berhenti. Ia meletakkan kedua tangan di pagar dan memandang air di bawah, yang tampak jauh lebih kecil daripada yang mereka ingat. "Di telepon aku selalu bilang aku baik-baik saja," katanya. "Aku hampir membatalkan kunjungan ini tiga kali. Aku takut kamu langsung melihat bahwa aku sudah menjadi orang lain."

Petronella thought about lying. Not until she opened her mouth did she realise she had already decided not to.

Petronella berpikir untuk berbohong. Baru ketika membuka mulut ia sadar bahwa ia sudah memutuskan untuk tidak.

"I did see it," she said. "The hair, the words, the way you count your change. It made me angry, and I couldn't have told you why." She watched a leaf turn slowly under the bridge and come out the other side. "I turned into someone else too, you know. I just stayed in the same place to do it."

"Aku memang melihatnya," katanya. "Rambutnya, kata-katanya, caramu menghitung uang kembalian. Itu membuatku marah, dan aku tak bisa mengatakan kenapa." Ia memandang sehelai daun berputar pelan di bawah jembatan lalu keluar di sisi seberang. "Aku juga menjadi orang lain, tahu. Aku hanya tetap di tempat yang sama untuk melakukannya."

Helena said nothing for a long time. What Petronella noticed was that her sister's shoulders had come down from around her ears, where they had been since the taxi. If either of them had said these things on a Sunday, down a line that cost money by the minute, they would have rung back an hour later to talk about the weather.

Helena lama tak berkata apa-apa. Yang Petronella perhatikan adalah bahwa bahu kakaknya sudah turun dari sekitar telinganya, tempat ia menaikkannya sejak taksi tadi. Seandainya salah satu dari mereka mengatakan hal-hal ini pada hari Minggu, lewat saluran yang dibayar per menit, mereka akan menelepon kembali sejam kemudian untuk membicarakan cuaca.

Back at the flat, Petronella put the kettle on and found the wrench that lived under the sink. She held it out, handle first, and Helena took it with the faint, startled look of a woman being handed back a piece of her own life. Together they went to deal with the tap.

Kembali di flat, Petronella memanaskan air dan menemukan kunci inggris yang selalu berada di bawah bak cuci. Ia mengulurkannya, gagang lebih dulu, dan Helena menerimanya dengan tatapan samar yang kaget seorang perempuan yang dikembalikan sepotong hidupnya sendiri. Bersama-sama mereka pergi mengurus keran itu.

"Tomorrow," Petronella said, "you cook. Mother's soup."

"Besok," kata Petronella, "kamu yang masak. Sup ibu."

"It will be terrible."

"Pasti rasanya mengerikan."

"I know," said Petronella. "Do it anyway."

"Aku tahu," kata Petronella. "Tetap lakukan."