The Letter Before University

The night before she left for university, Itzel could not sleep. Her bags stood by the door, and her train ticket was on the kitchen table. Downstairs, her father was repairing a lamp that did not need fixing.

Pada malam sebelum berangkat kuliah, Itzel tidak bisa tidur. Tas-tasnya berdiri di dekat pintu, dan tiket keretanya tergeletak di meja dapur. Di lantai bawah, ayahnya sedang memperbaiki lampu yang sebenarnya tidak perlu diperbaiki.

He had been quiet all week. He had driven her to buy a winter coat and carried her heavy boxes. He had even checked the tires on the car twice. But he had not said a word about her leaving. Itzel had not known how to start the conversation either.

Ayahnya pendiam sepanjang minggu itu. Ia mengantar Itzel membeli mantel musim dingin dan membawakan kardus-kardusnya yang berat. Ia bahkan memeriksa ban mobil dua kali. Tetapi ia tidak mengatakan sepatah kata pun tentang kepergian Itzel. Itzel juga tidak tahu bagaimana memulai percakapan itu.

She went down in her socks and stood in the doorway. "Dad," she began. He looked up, his glasses low on his nose, and waited. "Dad, I…" Nothing else came. "Never mind. Good night."

Ia turun dengan hanya memakai kaus kaki dan berdiri di ambang pintu. "Ayah," ia mulai. Ayahnya mendongak, kacamatanya melorot di hidung, dan menunggu. "Ayah, aku…" Tidak ada kata lain yang keluar. "Sudahlah. Selamat malam."

"Good night," he said, and went back to his screwdriver.

"Selamat malam," kata ayahnya, lalu kembali ke obengnya.

Back in her room, Itzel felt ashamed. She had been brave enough to apply to a school five hours away. She was not brave enough to say thank you. So she took a sheet of paper from her notebook and began to write. She told him that she remembered the Sundays he taught her to ride a bike. She knew he had worked extra shifts for her tuition. She was afraid, but also excited, and she would call every week.

Kembali di kamar, Itzel merasa malu. Ia cukup berani mendaftar ke sekolah yang jaraknya lima jam perjalanan. Tetapi ia tidak cukup berani mengucapkan terima kasih. Jadi ia mengambil selembar kertas dari bukunya dan mulai menulis. Ia menulis bahwa ia ingat hari-hari Minggu ketika ayahnya mengajarinya naik sepeda. Ia tahu ayahnya mengambil shift tambahan untuk biaya kuliahnya. Ia takut, tetapi juga bersemangat, dan ia akan menelepon setiap minggu.

She folded the letter into a small square. At dawn, while her father showered, she slipped it under the lid of his old green toolbox. That was where he kept the things he never lost.

Ia melipat surat itu menjadi persegi kecil. Saat fajar, ketika ayahnya sedang mandi, ia menyelipkannya di bawah tutup kotak perkakas hijau tua milik ayahnya. Di situlah ayahnya menyimpan hal-hal yang tidak pernah ia hilangkan.

At the station, he hugged her stiffly, as he always did, and handed her a bag of oranges. "Eat these on the train," he said. That was all.

Di stasiun, ayahnya memeluknya dengan kaku, seperti biasa, dan menyerahkan sekantong jeruk. "Makan ini di kereta," katanya. Hanya itu.

For three weeks, Itzel heard nothing. She called twice, and he answered in short sentences about the weather and the car. She decided that he had never opened the toolbox. Or perhaps he had read the letter and wished she had not written it.

Selama tiga minggu, Itzel tidak mendengar kabar apa pun. Ia menelepon dua kali, dan ayahnya menjawab dengan kalimat-kalimat pendek tentang cuaca dan mobil. Ia menyimpulkan bahwa ayahnya tidak pernah membuka kotak perkakas itu. Atau mungkin ayahnya sudah membaca surat itu dan berharap ia tidak pernah menulisnya.

Then, on a Tuesday evening, her phone rang. The screen said Dad. In eighteen years, he had never called her first.

Lalu, pada suatu Selasa malam, ponselnya berdering. Layarnya bertuliskan Ayah. Selama delapan belas tahun, ayahnya tidak pernah menelepon lebih dulu.

"Hello?" she said carefully.

"Halo?" katanya hati-hati.

There was a long pause, and she could hear him breathing. "I found it," he said.

Ada jeda yang panjang, dan ia bisa mendengar napas ayahnya. "Ayah menemukannya," katanya.