The Lane He Used to Swim

Cassius had been swimming competitively since he was eight. For the last two years, every conversation about his future had started with the word "scholarship." His times had been watched by college coaches for over a year. His own coach, Bao, had built an entire training plan around the state qualifying meet in the spring.

Cassius sudah berenang secara kompetitif sejak usia delapan tahun. Selama dua tahun terakhir, setiap percakapan tentang masa depannya diawali dengan kata "beasiswa". Catatan waktunya sudah diawasi para pelatih kampus selama lebih dari setahun. Pelatihnya sendiri, Bao, menyusun seluruh rencana latihan di sekitar kejuaraan kualifikasi tingkat negara bagian pada musim semi.

What nobody knew was that Cassius had spent most of his free time that winter in the empty band room. There, he taught himself piano from videos online. He had never told Bao. He hadn't even told his best friend Minh, who swam in the lane beside his every single morning.

Yang tidak diketahui siapa pun adalah bahwa Cassius menghabiskan sebagian besar waktu luangnya di musim dingin itu di ruang band yang kosong. Di sana, ia belajar piano sendiri dari video daring. Ia tidak pernah memberi tahu Bao. Bahkan sahabatnya, Minh, yang berenang di lintasan di sebelahnya setiap pagi, tidak ia beri tahu.

At the qualifying meet, Cassius false-started in his best event, the one that mattered most for his scholarship times. It was a mistake he hadn't made since he was twelve, and everyone in the building noticed it.

Pada kejuaraan kualifikasi itu, Cassius melakukan start palsu di nomor andalannya, nomor yang paling menentukan bagi catatan waktu beasiswanya. Itu kesalahan yang tidak pernah ia lakukan sejak usia dua belas tahun, dan semua orang di gedung itu menyadarinya.

Bao pulled him aside afterward, more confused than angry, and told him plainly that this hadn't looked like nerves. He said Cassius had swum through worse pressure than this before, so something else had to be going on.

Bao menariknya ke samping setelahnya, lebih bingung daripada marah, dan berkata terus terang bahwa ini tidak tampak seperti gugup. Ia berkata Cassius pernah berenang di bawah tekanan yang lebih berat daripada ini, jadi pasti ada hal lain yang terjadi.

Cassius almost denied it, the way he had been denying it to himself for months. Instead, he told Bao about the piano, the videos, and the quiet hour he spent most nights composing short, unfinished pieces nobody had heard.

Cassius nyaris menyangkalnya, seperti yang berbulan-bulan ia lakukan pada dirinya sendiri. Namun, ia malah menceritakan kepada Bao tentang piano, video-video itu, dan satu jam tenang yang hampir setiap malam ia pakai untuk menggubah karya pendek yang belum selesai dan belum didengar siapa pun.

"I should have told you about this months earlier, before it turned into something I was hiding," Cassius admitted. "I was afraid you'd tell me to choose."

"Seharusnya saya cerita soal ini berbulan-bulan lalu, sebelum ini berubah menjadi sesuatu yang saya sembunyikan," Cassius mengakui. "Saya takut Pelatih menyuruh saya memilih."

If Bao insisted on a full schedule again, Cassius already knew he would find the hours for piano anyway. However, Bao was quiet for a moment, turning the idea over. "I'm not going to pretend the scholarship doesn't matter," he said. "But you can't keep splitting yourself in half and expect either side to get your best."

Seandainya Bao kembali bersikeras pada jadwal penuh, Cassius sudah tahu bahwa ia tetap akan menemukan waktu untuk piano. Namun, Bao terdiam sejenak, memikirkan gagasan itu. "Saya tidak akan berpura-pura beasiswa itu tidak penting," katanya. "Tapi kamu tidak bisa terus membelah dirimu menjadi dua dan berharap salah satunya memberikan yang terbaik."

Together, they worked out a lighter schedule for the following month, one that left Cassius two evenings a week that belonged only to the piano. The next morning, Minh asked why he looked so tired, and for once, Cassius told him the truth.

Bersama-sama, mereka menyusun jadwal yang lebih ringan untuk bulan berikutnya, jadwal yang menyisakan dua malam seminggu yang hanya milik piano. Keesokan paginya, Minh bertanya mengapa ia tampak begitu lelah, dan untuk sekali ini, Cassius mengatakan yang sebenarnya.