The House Swap

Lorenzo opens the front door of a house in a country he has never visited. A loud voice shouts something at him. He freezes. Behind the hall table, a grey parrot is staring at him from a tall cage. "Hello," he says weakly. The bird shouts the same thing again.

The family has gone to stay in his apartment for two weeks. They have left a long list on the fridge. It has forty-two rules. Water the tomatoes at eight, not seven. Don't use the blue towel. Give the parrot a piece of apple at noon. Gunnar, the owner, has signed at the bottom: "Good luck. He is not as scary as he sounds."

The parrot knows only phrases in the family's language, and Lorenzo does not speak a word of it. With a translation app, he figures out what the bird is saying. "Who is there?" is one of them. "Dinner is ready!" is another. The third, according to the app, means "Stop that at once." Lorenzo suspects that the family says it often.

The first days are chaotic. The parrot announces dinner at six every morning, long before Lorenzo has made his coffee. He tries to explain that it is breakfast time, but the bird obviously doesn't understand.

On the fifth day, he starts talking back anyway, in his own language, while he waters the tomatoes. He tells the parrot about the weather, about his job, and about why he cannot cook. The bird listens with its head on one side, like a very polite neighbour.

By the second week, they have a routine. Lorenzo says good morning, the parrot asks, "Who is there?", and Lorenzo answers slowly, "It's Lorenzo." He says it every single day. He does not expect anything to come of it.

On the last morning, he is packing his suitcase when a croaky voice calls from the hall. "Lo-ren-zo! Lorenzo, dinner is ready!"

Lorenzo laughs so hard that he has to sit on his bag. Then he walks to the cage and gives the parrot its last piece of apple. "Nice try," he says. "But it's breakfast."