The Family Photo Fiasco

Petra has been planning the family photo for three weeks. It all started when her mother suggested it at Sunday dinner. "Something simple," her mother said. "Just everyone together, for once."

佩特拉为拍全家福已经筹划了三个星期。这一切始于她妈妈在周日晚餐时的提议。“简单点就行，”她妈妈说，“就是大家难得凑在一起。”

Simple, it turns out, is not the right word for this family. There are nine people, two dogs, and a photographer who charges by the hour.

事实证明，“简单”这个词用在这家人身上完全不对。这里有九个人，两条狗，还有一位按小时收费的摄影师。

The first attempt happens in the backyard, everyone dressed in matching cream and beige. It's an idea Petra regrets almost immediately. Her husband Roman keeps blinking at exactly the wrong moment. It doesn't matter how many times the photographer counts down. Their son Enzo, who is four, has decided that smiling means showing every tooth he has. That includes several teeth that are still growing in sideways.

第一次尝试是在后院，大家都穿着配套的奶油色和米色衣服。这个主意让佩特拉几乎立刻就后悔了。她丈夫罗曼总是在最不该眨眼的时候眨眼，不管摄影师倒数多少次都没用。他们四岁的儿子恩佐认定，笑就是要把所有的牙都露出来，其中还包括几颗正歪着长出来的牙。

"Enzo, a normal smile, please," Petra says, for what feels like the tenth time.

“恩佐，正常地笑一下，好吗？”佩特拉说，这感觉像是第十次了。

"This is my normal smile," Enzo says, offended.

“这就是我正常的笑，”恩佐不高兴地说。

Meanwhile, their daughter Cleo has brought one of the dogs into the shot without telling anyone. The dog decides this is the perfect moment to shake off. It sends dirt across three people's outfits.

与此同时，他们的女儿克莱奥没跟任何人说，就把一条狗带进了镜头。那条狗觉得这正是甩水的绝佳时机，结果泥点溅到了三个人的衣服上。

They try again after cleaning up, but by then the light has changed. Everyone looks slightly washed out. The photographer suggests moving to the living room instead, where at least the lighting stays consistent.

收拾干净后他们又试了一次，但那时光线已经变了，每个人看上去都有点发白。摄影师建议改到客厅，至少那里的光线保持稳定。

Indoors, a new problem appears. Petra's mother refuses to remove her sunhat, insisting it's "part of her look now." Roman, who has stopped blinking, has started making a strange face instead. He swears it's neutral, but in every photo it reads as deeply suspicious.

到了室内，又出现了新问题。佩特拉的妈妈不肯摘下她的遮阳帽，坚称那“现在是我造型的一部分”。罗曼不再眨眼了，却开始做起一个奇怪的表情。他发誓那是中性的，但每张照片里看起来都格外可疑。

By the fifth attempt, Petra has stopped trying to control every detail. She just tells everyone to stand together and do whatever feels natural. Enzo shows his teeth again. Cleo lets the dog back in, dirt and all. Her mother keeps the sunhat. Roman looks vaguely alarmed.

到第五次尝试时，佩特拉已经不再想控制每个细节。她只是让大家站在一起，怎么自然怎么来。恩佐又露出了他的牙，克莱奥把狗放了回来，连泥一起。她妈妈保留了遮阳帽。罗曼看上去有点惊慌。

When the photos come back a week later, the "perfect" version from the backyard looks stiff and posed. But the chaotic living room photo, hat, dog, teeth, and all, is different. It's the one Petra frames and puts on the wall.

一个星期后照片送回来了，后院那张“完美”的看起来僵硬而摆拍味十足。可那张混乱的客厅照片，帽子、狗、牙齿，样样俱全，却不一样。那就是佩特拉最后装框、挂到墙上的那一张。