The Elevator Avoidance Plan

Derek has a plan for avoiding his ex-girlfriend Renata in the elevator. He has been perfecting it for three weeks.

德里克有一个在电梯里躲开前女友雷娜塔的计划。三个星期来，他一直在把它完善。

Step one: check the lobby before walking in. Step two: if she's anywhere near the elevator bank, take the stairs instead. That means all eleven flights, no matter how unpleasant that sounds at eight in the morning. Step three: if he's already in the elevator and she gets on, stare at his phone. Keep staring until his floor arrives.

第一步：进去之前先看一眼大堂。第二步：如果她在电梯口附近的任何地方，就改走楼梯。那意味着要爬完整整十一层，不管早上八点听起来有多难受。第三步：如果他已经在电梯里，而她走了进来，就盯着手机。一直盯到他那一层到了为止。

It has worked, more or less, until today.

这个计划大致上一直管用，直到今天。

This morning, Derek checks the lobby carefully and sees no sign of Renata. He steps into the elevator feeling confident. The doors are almost closed when a hand reaches through the gap, and the doors slide back open.

今天早上，德里克仔细看了看大堂，没发现雷娜塔的影子。他信心十足地走进了电梯。门快要关上的时候，一只手从缝隙里伸了进来，门又滑开了。

It's Renata.

是雷娜塔。

Derek's stomach drops. He immediately pulls out his phone and stares at it with real intensity. He looks like he's reading something extremely important. The screen is actually just his lock screen.

德里克心里一沉。他马上掏出手机，聚精会神地盯着它。他看起来像是在读什么极其重要的东西。其实屏幕上只是锁屏界面。

"Derek," Renata says, sounding amused. "You can put the phone down. I already know it's you."

“德里克，”雷娜塔说，听起来觉得好笑，“你可以把手机放下了。我早就知道是你。”

"I'm just… checking something," he says, not looking up.

“我只是……在查点东西，”他说，没有抬头。

"For three weeks?" she asks. "Because I've noticed you taking the stairs every single morning, even in that ridiculous heat last week."

“查了三个星期？”她问，“因为我注意到你每天早上都走楼梯，连上星期那么离谱的大热天也不例外。”

Derek finally looks up, caught. "You noticed that?"

德里克终于抬起头，被抓了个正着。“你注意到了？”

"Everyone in the building has noticed that. Security asked me if you were training for something."

“大楼里每个人都注意到了。保安还问我，你是不是在为什么比赛训练。”

He laughs despite himself, mostly out of embarrassment. "Okay. I was avoiding you. It felt easier than an awkward conversation in a small metal box."

他忍不住笑了，大半是因为尴尬。“好吧。我是在躲你。那比在一个小铁盒子里尴尬地聊天要容易些。”

"I figured," Renata says. "For what it's worth, I've been doing the same thing on the third floor. I hide behind the vending machine whenever I see you coming."

“我想也是，”雷娜塔说，“告诉你吧，我在三楼也一直在做同样的事。每次看到你过来，我就躲到自动售货机后面。”

They stand there for a second, both a little stunned. They've each put real effort into avoiding a five-second interaction.

他们站了一会儿，两个人都有点愣住了。他们都下了真功夫，只为躲开一次五秒钟的相遇。

"This is objectively ridiculous," Derek says.

“这实在太荒唐了，”德里克说。

"Completely ridiculous," Renata agrees. "Want to just… take the elevator normally from now on?"

“彻头彻尾的荒唐，”雷娜塔同意，“要不从现在起，我们就……正常坐电梯？”

"Deal," Derek says. "Though I might miss the stairs. My legs have never looked better."

“一言为定，”德里克说，“不过我可能会想念楼梯。我的腿从来没这么好看过。”

Renata laughs. For the first time in three weeks, they ride up together without staring at their phones.

雷娜塔笑了。这三个星期以来第一次，他们一起坐电梯上楼，没有盯着手机。