The Best Man's Toast

Silas hadn't seen Meret in four years, not since the argument that ended their friendship. It ended whatever else had been quietly growing between them, too. Standing across the aisle from her at Rosalind's wedding rehearsal felt strange. Both of them were in the wedding party by accident of loyalty rather than choice, like being handed a problem neither had finished solving.

Silas sudah empat tahun tidak bertemu Meret, sejak pertengkaran yang mengakhiri persahabatan mereka. Pertengkaran itu juga mengakhiri apa pun yang diam-diam tumbuh di antara mereka. Berdiri di seberang lorong dari Meret pada gladi resik pernikahan Rosalind terasa aneh. Mereka berdua ada dalam rombongan pernikahan karena kesetiaan, bukan pilihan, seperti diberi masalah yang belum sempat mereka selesaikan.

"You cut your hair," he said, because it was the only thing safe enough to say out loud.

"Kamu memotong rambutmu," katanya, karena hanya itu hal yang cukup aman untuk diucapkan keras-keras.

"Four years ago, yes," Meret said, though she was almost smiling. "You're observant."

"Empat tahun lalu, ya," kata Meret, meski ia hampir tersenyum. "Kamu jeli sekali."

They managed the rehearsal dinner by talking to everyone except each other. It worked, mostly, until the wedding planner sat them beside each other at the head table the following evening. The best man and the maid of honor were traditionally seated together, and nobody had thought to ask if that was a problem.

Mereka melewati makan malam gladi resik dengan mengobrol dengan semua orang kecuali satu sama lain. Cara itu berhasil, sebagian besar, sampai perencana pernikahan mendudukkan mereka berdampingan di meja utama keesokan malamnya. Pendamping pria dan pendamping wanita utama memang biasanya duduk bersebelahan, dan tak seorang pun terpikir untuk bertanya apakah itu masalah.

"I should have called you after everything happened," Silas said quietly, halfway through the meal. "I've been meaning to say that for years."

"Seharusnya aku meneleponmu setelah semuanya terjadi," kata Silas pelan, di tengah acara makan. "Sudah bertahun-tahun aku ingin mengatakan itu."

"Why didn't you?" Meret asked, not unkindly.

"Kenapa tidak?" tanya Meret, tidak dengan nada kasar.

"Pride, mostly. I told myself you didn't want to hear from me, which was probably just an excuse not to find out if it was true."

"Gengsi, terutama. Aku meyakinkan diri bahwa kamu tidak ingin mendengar kabar dariku, yang mungkin hanya alasan supaya aku tak perlu mencari tahu apakah itu benar."

Meret turned her glass slowly on the tablecloth. "I waited for that call longer than I'd like to admit," she said. "Eventually I decided you must have meant what you said that night, and I stopped waiting."

Meret memutar gelasnya perlahan di atas taplak meja. "Aku menunggu telepon itu lebih lama daripada yang ingin kuakui," katanya. "Akhirnya aku memutuskan bahwa kamu pasti bersungguh-sungguh dengan ucapanmu malam itu, dan aku berhenti menunggu."

"I didn't mean it. I was angry, and I said the worst thing I could think of because it was easier than saying what I actually felt."

"Aku tidak bersungguh-sungguh. Aku marah, dan aku mengucapkan hal terburuk yang terpikir olehku karena itu lebih mudah daripada mengatakan apa yang sebenarnya kurasakan."

The band started playing before she could answer, and Silas was called up to give his toast. He hadn't planned to mention any of it. But standing there, watching Rosalind and her new husband, he found himself talking about how easily pride can outlast a friendship worth keeping.

Band mulai bermain sebelum Meret sempat menjawab, dan Silas dipanggil maju untuk memberikan pidato. Ia tidak berencana menyinggung semua itu. Namun, berdiri di sana sambil memandang Rosalind dan suami barunya, ia mendapati dirinya bercerita tentang betapa mudahnya gengsi bertahan lebih lama daripada persahabatan yang layak dipertahankan.

Afterward, Meret found him near the bar. "That was either very brave or completely reckless," she said.

Sesudahnya, Meret menemuinya di dekat bar. "Tadi itu entah sangat berani atau benar-benar nekat," katanya.

"Probably both," Silas admitted. "Can we start over? Properly, this time."

"Mungkin dua-duanya," Silas mengaku. "Bisakah kita mulai dari awal? Dengan benar, kali ini."

Meret considered it for a moment that felt much longer than it was. Then she held out her hand, as if they were meeting for the first time, and said she thought they could try.

Meret mempertimbangkannya sejenak, yang terasa jauh lebih lama daripada sebenarnya. Lalu ia mengulurkan tangan, seolah mereka baru bertemu untuk pertama kalinya, dan berkata bahwa ia rasa mereka bisa mencoba.